Decades [For Shantee Tucker 1988 -2018]

The caress of sun rays on
a new dawn, makes your
skin tingle like ice popping
in a sweating cup of cola
sizzling with excitement
as anticipation trickles down
your throat.

You are young.
You have the world
on your side.
You are filled with tomorrows
and still concerned with missed
chances of yesterday.

Yet with each passing year
and shift of each decade
you learn your voice,
you make ‘potential’ a verb –
you are always a step
ahead.

You are still
young. A delicate
cynicism has you hearing –
in each breath taken between
lines of ‘Happy Birthday’ –
choked uncertainty.
Your best friend doesn’t know
how to buy you gifts.

Gifts are meant
to get better with time,
but, ah, with each year
and recital of wishes
hitched on a rising heat
of hope, uncertainty becomes
an anchor. You do not want
to be made fools of.
Through seasons
tomorrow has become another
triggering ‘t’ word.

Days become years
and years bleed you
into decades.
You remember a song
you once lost trust in,
you renew your vow
to live, and shine.
Someone mistakes this
to mean you’d had
enough of time,
and swiftly writes the closing
line
to a tale of decades of life.

Who knows, perhaps,
in your last few moments
you didn’t hear that song or
the whispered uncertainties –
perhaps you felt an embrace
like the birthing of a new dawn.
Perhaps – or so I hope.

Katlego K Kol-Kes
Transgender Day Of Remembrance 2018 Tribute.

* Shantee Tucker is a transwoman who was shot - and subsequently died - in Philadelphia, PA, on 5 September 2018. This shortly after she celebrated her 30th birthday. This occurrence is even more hurtful as I had been in Philadelphia mere weeks prior to this happening enjoying being a 30 year old myself. It is forever a reminder that we cannot take our safety for granted whether we are in Gaborone, Philadelphia, or London. The lives and livelihoods of trans-diverse persons (especially people of colour) are in a precarious state and we really ought to all advocate to make the status quo us living rather than being killed. 


Of all the things in life I need, This I Knead.

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